Dear Future Husband~

Dear future husband,

I never thought of writing a letter to you but ever since I was wandering around the web, I've read through a lot and lots of letters from other women to their future husband too so I insist to write mine to you. I'm not sure whether you will be reading this letter one day but this I promise you, we will read this letter again once I am officially yours. :)

At this very moment of my life, I have no idea who you are and what you do for living. I have no idea if I ever met you, whether we're friend or maybe you're just a stranger that I might get to know with one day. I have no idea whether you live in Miri or staying some where else far far away from me. I have no idea if you know Jesus or you're just a free thinker that doesn't belief in anything. But one thing for sure, I hope you'd put God as a priority in your life. But I'm pretty sure you're a Christian cause that is why I am marrying you in future right? :)

I am so excited upon my awake every morning, cause each days that passed by bring me closer to you and the day we'll met and get to fall in love with each other. Even though our love haven't even begun yet but tell you what, I think about you on a daily basis. I think about you the most before I went to bed because that is when I started to prayed for you before I sleep. Yea, I prayed for us. Even though I have no vision of your face yet, but I prayed that God will lead your way to me soon.

I often wonder how would you look like on our wedding day, I'm sure you will be the most handsome guy on earth! And that is when my heart speak, "You are the most excellent choice I ever made in my life..." . And I can visualize how your eyes shines so bright staring straight at me with my white wedding gown walking down the aisle with my dad guiding my way to you infront of all our family in a church. At that very moment, the world stop turning for a while. I am the most luckiest woman alive to have you by my side.

But in marriage, it's not all about the sweet sweet things we often see in the movie. I'm sure we'll gonna fight a lot. Cause, I'm good at it! :p but tell you what, I never wanted us to fight but sometimes when things get rocky, we'll learn to appreciate each other more. So please, don't let me fight alone. We're in this together so never leave me even when you can't stand listening to me arguing. Just let me talk until I'm done cause I do get tired of talking and that is when I will stop mumbling. You know I did that because I love you too much. :)

Have you ever wonder how many kids will we have? ;) I don't mind at all if it's two, three, four or even more. As long as you'll give all your unconditional love with full of attention on us, I'm sure we can make it to a perfect family. In you I trust, that is why I am marrying you at the very first place because you are the man I choose to be the father of my children. :)

Do know this dear future husband, I love you. I love the man you will be one day, the man I will stand beside and I respect. The man I will surrender my life to, the only man I will love with all my heart. I am nowhere near the woman God has called me to be, so I need to prepare myself before I'm ready for you. But still, I am waiting and I am holding on to my romantic and naive heart, knowing I will give it to you one day and fully trusting you to keep it safe.

So, wherever you are right now, I'll pray to God to take a good care of you until we meet. :)

Ramblings of My Heart....Its Not To Be Understood

As I sit here and cry from my state of mind, I realize that its past my time....
I am ready for love, it has to be sent from heaven above, I am ready to walk hand in hand and even sometimes play in the sand. I can see that I am unique just  by the people that I meet. I often wonder should I start my own meet n greet. Time is ticking and changing and I feel like a forever embracement. I want the ministry with him, and I want the love to be real. I stood through abuse and misery, I stood with fake friends coming and going. I stood with people just feeling sorry for me, I stood with no family support. I felt like I jumped through a thousand hula hoops. Last year I was isoalted, I was abused, I was rejected and I suffered in alot of silence. God carried me through, and thats where my true healing took me all the way through.I saw something that made my heart smile, and it has lasted for quite a while.. Emotions are in check, maybe because GOD is on deck. I work but no check, but favor and grace and mercy stand in place. I feel oout of place, no one to talk to, no one to call, so this is how my love life with GOD lasted, because he has been there thru it all. I sat on the bench and was never called into play, but i know GOD has the final say. He is bringing me up before the many, nations I will speak to.. Everyone who discredited and rejected me, will see that he GOD is my resource. I am eager to learn and learning forgiveness. I hear people talk about how they do this and that and I all I can is wish I had that chance with my family, my mother and my son. My family resents me, but I have learned that I cant change things so I might as well accept it and keep it moving. I hated myself for a long time, because I was always different. I am ready to be me.. I want to love him forever, I want to travel together, I want to make love together, but most importanytly I want to minster together. I am already laboring for my king, he is in my presnece. I feel him so close, yep i dont loose hope. He called me his prophetess and my king his prophet.. Thats deep right there. I am ready what more can I say, today I stand up and open my heart up and is willing to receive all that he has for me.
I have been buried alive, so called friends past me by. I have been wounded and those who hear wont even lend me their ear. I m a prophet and many pull on me, but instead of trusting GOD they rather trust me. No The glory belongs to GOD, he is my all.
2 be cont.... My cries I shall not hide...

Ill be back....